Friday, August 26, 2011

If Britney Spears Had Pursued a Doctorate in English

According to this article on Yahoo, Britney Spears would have pursued a career in teaching if she hadn't found success as a... as a... whatever. It goes on to state that she would have focused on either reading or history, but let me suggest an even more drastic alternative: critical theory. Here is a list of articles she probably would have written had she ascended to the ivory tower.
  • My Loneliness Is Killing Me: The Murderous Intentions of Personified Isolation in Emily Dickinson's "I'm Nobody! Who are You?"
  • Sometimes I Run. Sometimes I Hide: "The Most Dangerous Game" Revisited
  • You Drive Me Crazy: Capitalism and Schizophrenia
  • Don't You Know That You're Toxic?: Male/Female Dynamics in the Works of Stephanie Meyer
  • You're Nothing But a Womanizer: Don Draper's Ontological Adultery
  • I Must Confess/I Still Believe: Derrida and Atheism Without Atheism
  • Oops...I Did It Again: The Ethical Conundrum of Nietzsche's Eternal Recurrence
  • I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman: Puberty and Transgender
  • If You Seek Amy: The Reception of The Joy Luck Club
  • 1, 2, 3--Peter, Paul, and Mary: Sexual Practices of Early Christianity
Can you come up with some more?

3 comments:

Aaron Allsop said...

You should submit that to McSweeney's...I enjoyed them!

Amy said...

a. I'm liking the new look of the blog. has it been like this for a while?
b. not to unnecessarily boost your witticism-self-esteem or anything, but dang you're good at this. this list is hilarious.
c. :)

Dallin and Janelle Lewis said...

Reviewing her song list on Amazon MP3, it's amazing how much low-hanging fruit isMy still there:

"I'm a Slave 4 U:" Sadomasochism and the Relationship Between the Textual and the Numerical

"Til the World Ends:" Approaching Apocalypse and Heideggerian Boredom

"My Prerogative:" Agamben's "Homo Sacer" amidst Liberal Political Theory


The Don Draper one's my favorite though.