Altared Plans... no really

One of my coworkers pointed out that she wrote the blurb for this little gem of LDS fiction, Altared Plans:The blurb reads as follows (on Amazon):

The perfect day. The perfect marriage. The perfect groom. What could go wrong? Caitlyn has been preparing for her perfect wedding all her life. But when her fiancé abandons her at the altar, Caitlyn vows she'll never love again.

Going to BYU doesn't make that easy, however, and avoiding all social contact can only last so long. When her bishop calls her to be the mom of her family home evening group, Caitlyn is suddenly thrust into surprising circumstances that leave her flustered the attention of two unwanted suitors. Travis, the FHE dad, has plans to woo Caitlyn by using his cowboy charms while Chase has his own ideas for dating her. Will Travis or Chase change her mind about love? Or will it be déjà vu?

Follow Caitlyn through all the flirtatious looks, dates, ex-girlfriends, and unexpected surprises. Altared Plans is a light-hearted romance that is sure to please.

I just had to smile at the thought of such a book. But what made everything so much better was the dramatic reading of the blurb that we did in Barnes and Noble.

Everything sounds so much better when read that way.

P.S. What on earth could Heaven Scent be about?

Papers Attack

Yesterday, my coworkers and I were working on a film for the BYU Writing Center. That made me think of this promotional video that we did last summer.

Enjoy the wonderful acting talents of the dashing Anthony Garret and the lovely Rebecca Peterson. Special effects provided by Clancy Clawson.

Broken Hearts

This girl that I know mentioned to me that she had been asked out some twelve times last week. Of course, she said no to them all. Yet even as she was speaking, I couldn't help but wonder if, if they were to make a video game of her life, there would be a place on the screen that tallied all of those broken hearts.

Carl's Jr's "The Big Carl"

I love this hamburger, let me just get that out of the way. And since they lowered its price to $1.99, I don't think there is a better way to get half of your recommended daily allowance 0f calories (920/2000) in one sitting. I mean, a Wendy's Junior Bacon Cheeseburger only has a pathetic 310 calories in comparison.

You know what I also love? How this burger is also a blatant rip off of the Big Mac. Apparently Carl's Jr got ticked off that McDonald's introduced its "Angus Third Pounders," which they saw as a knock-off of their "Six Dollar Burger," so they decided to make their own Big Mac. In my mind, there is no comparison: the Big Carl is much, much better.

You can read Carl's Jr's press release about McHype here, or just watch the funny videos below.

My New Roommate and the Power of Silence

So. I came home the other day to find that one of my roommates had brought home this life-sized, cardboard cutout from his work. Now, having just read Cormac McCarthy's Child of God the day before, the whole idea of having a non-living, non-speaking woman around as decoration just made me want to get onto Craigslist and sell my contract.

But, much to my relief, no one has started dressing it in actual clothing, nor have any of my roommates started to walk around in womanly attire (well, at least outer-wear). The thing that they HAVE done, though, is put up a piece of paper which they write little messages on. Right now it says, "Alyssa, watch your back," but I foresee phrases like "You guys are the coolest" and "I wish all men were like the men in #103."

But let's be honest, that woman doesn't actually talk to us. She is giving the whole apartment the silent treatment and we are only putting words in her mouth (or slightly to the left of her face, actually).

And the silent treatment is no laughing matter. One blog (take it with a grain of salt) calls it a "very destructive behavior" and says

When someone is administering the silent treatment they are trying to show that they are dominant over you. The silent treatment (when it becomes a mutual one) is a power struggle in pain tolerance…whomever the winner is, cares less.

So basically, me and my roommates are living with an emotionally abusive woman. She won't talk to us, and that just plain hurts. Don't think that just because she is cardboard she can get away with it. No one should ignore another person or punish them with silence. As someone who has been on both the receiving and giving end of that type of punishment, I can say that it is no bueno. That's Spanish for "it hurts like Hell and you will want to go and shove a screwdriver through your temple because you feel like such a dirtbag." If cardboard woman wants to stay in our lives, she needs to treat us better and get to gabbing.

Back In New Mexico...

Different Values... or Something

So, several of my roommates and I were sitting around, watching the State of the Union Address, when, out of nowhere, one of my particularly vociferous (and Portuguese-love-song-inclined) roommates asks, "Dude, when's this over?"

"You got something you need to do?" I asked, pointing to our priapic TV with my eyes.

"The BYU game."



Moral: Diversity is what makes America great. Or something.

My Biggest Worry...

FunStuff: How My Coworkers Probably See Me

Artwork: Stuck on a Paper

This is part of an ad I did for the Writing Center. I went onto Anthropologie's website to find trendy clothes. She will be out of date next fall, probably.